I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
