just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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