well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
