I wannas sexs uuuuu
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
