HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
