my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
