Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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