You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
