This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
