I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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