i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
