My hand turned me down
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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