How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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