I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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