i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize