She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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