East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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