i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
