My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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