Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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