He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
