Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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