I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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