she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
