Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
