Only a mothe r could love this liver
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
