Im at strip club and am horny
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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