I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
