On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
