allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
wow bdsm is so cute
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
