You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
