I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
