Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
