Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
