My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
