enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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