I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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