my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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