So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
