3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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