You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
