I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize