There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Everything about him screamed your future.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
