That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
