Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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