The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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