turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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