I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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