I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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