When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
