you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
