So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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