In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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