I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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