matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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