uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And the cops told us we were all naked.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
