nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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