Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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