im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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