is this the sara with the beer cane?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
